Metamorphic results in just twelve weeks!
It’s Sunday morning and 43 television channels are airing infomercials featuring former couch potatoes sporting their new chiseled physiques. Satisfied clients hold up a pair of their old pants, which look more like circus tents with leg holes. The before and after photos are in such contrast, they barely resemble the same species let alone the same person. The promise is that in just weeks you’ll be transformed from a pale 90-pound weakling with grayish teeth and bi-focals, to 190 pounds of lean muscle with Donnie’s Osmond’s choppers, a perfect tan and 20/20 vision. Right.
My acute skepticism has always kept me away from this fitness hype abyss. Even though part of me has wanted to jump in abs first. But considering how much we spend on these products, the deluge of ads isn’t surprising. The International Health, Racquet and Sportsclub Association estimates over $17 billion in membership revenues annually. And according to the American Obesity Association, The U.S. spent $30 billion on diet and weight loss products in 2006. Who wouldn’t want a piece of the $47 billion fitness pie?
American Idle
The result of our fitness investments may, or may not, surprise you. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), the percentage of overweight or obese Americans has risen to 64%. That’s nearly two out of every three people. Last year alone, 31 states reported increases in obesity rates. We’re spending more to get thin but still getting fatter.
Given these lackluster results, should we blame the consumer or the product? Probably both. The Federal Trade Commission has brought over 150 cases of deceptive advertising against a variety of diet product suppliers and clinics. The true efforts needed to resemble an “after” photo are clearly not conveyed. With six-hour workouts, a team of Soviet nutritionists, HGH, flaxseed oil, B-12, ephedrine, caffeine, creatine, protein and an iPod it might be possible to go from Arnold Horshak to Arnold Schwarzenegger. But not likely. So why is there no correlation between dollars spent and weight loss? Because we’re a society of instant gratification where four minutes in a microwave is an eternity. We’ll gladly trade more money for less time and effort. But when the fat doesn’t miraculously melt away in our sleep, we give up. The combination of unrealistic goals and unreasonable expectations of effort cause most people to fail.
Change the Mind, Change the Pants Size.
Another major problem with our collective fitness psyche is that there is typically a short-term goal involved. Drop four pants sizes in twelve weeks. Grate cheese on your abs by Groundhog’s Day. Bench-press an entire troop of monkeys in time for Lent. Goals are important, but this type of goal setting can be counterproductive for several reasons. First if you slip, the “titanium buns by winter solstice” is no longer achievable. Once your goals are no longer attainable, it’s easy to slip-slide right back to the Barco-lounger and forget the whole notion of fitness.
The second problem, what if you stick to your plan but don’t get the expected results? You expected abs of steel but only managed abs of tinfoil. Most will assume they just don’t have the genetics to make real transformation. They assume that this is the body they were dealt. And the third pitfall- if you’re successful in your short-term goal, then what? What if you actually do drop twelve pounds in four weeks? Like most people, you celebrate by putting it back on. According to the CDC, nearly 95% of people who successfully lose weight will put all of it back on.In the past, I’ve been as guilty of short-term goal setting as the next guy. Six weeks before we hit the beach and I’d try to undo the previous 46 weeks of neglect. Upon return, I couldn’t find the gym with a divining rod, GPS and the ghost of Ferdinand Magellan.
Then one day while watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island, I had an epiphany. Why do I need an end-state goal or deadline for fitness? Isn’t that setting myself up for failure, or worse - temporary success? The fundamental change I made was to forget about goals. Forget the short term- twelve weeks, beach season, Flag Day, etc. I began focusing on the immediate- this week, today, this next hour in the gym, the next mile, etc. No arbitrary deadlines, just the understanding that six months from now, I’d be in better shape. One year from now, I’d be in even better shape, and so on. Suddenly, the pressure to get in shape was off. It sounds pretty simple, and it was.
Chewing the Fat
I don’t expect to ever look like the Governator, or even Serena Williams for that matter. With a wife, three children, a dog, two fish, a full time gig and plenty of grass to mow, my time is limited and my goals are modest. Improve my stamina and strength, fight off the handles d’amor, and regain that youthful energy that burns right through cheesecake. About one year ago, I added working out to my list of recurring things to do- right in between “take out trash” and ”swerve to avoid neighbor’s dog”. I work out at least three times each week, usually during lunch. My results have not been nearly as dramatic as Jared and his miracle turkey sub transformation project. However, I have dropped three inches from my waste and added two in my chest. I can run five miles without wondering if my will is updated, and I don’t fall asleep at the dinner table anymore. And yes, I can grate cheese on my abs, if I rub really hard. Though I wouldn’t recommend serving it to guests.
Something else that has made a considerable difference are my food shopping habits. If you shop like Charles Atlas, you won’t eat like Rosie O’Donnell. Even with three young kids, I keep the junk out of the house. Now if I get a craving at 10:00 at night, it’s a small handful of almonds and a glass of skim milk instead of a quart of Chunky Monkey with Cheez Whiz. Have I slipped? Sure. We’re all busy and often business trips, deadlines, family events, taking the kids to soccer, basketball, baseball, jai alai, fencing or bi-athalon practice can knock you off your schedule. But I’ve always managed to get back on the horse, even if I missed a couple of weeks. At this point, it’s more about how I feel than how I look. And the best part is that it didn’t cost me nine easy payments of $79.95.
Pope Benedict XVI was attacked during a Christmas Eve mass at St. Peter's Basilica by what authorities are calling "a disturbed woman". The woman apparently jumped a security barrier while the Pope was giving his Christmas sermon. The woman was wrestled to the ground, but only after posing for several photos with the pontiff before dragging him to the floor. The pontiff was uninjured, though he couldn't quite get his hat to sit straight afterwards. The woman was later identified as Washington D.C. fame-seeking missile Michaela Salahi. 
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