Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Kanye West Insults Swift, Obama, Pope and Others


President Barack Obama was recently quoted "off the record" calling Kanye West a "jackass" for humiliating Taylor Swift at the Video Music Awards. West responded to Obama's comments with his an insult of his own. "Look, Barack, I'm very happy for you winning the presidency, but John McCain was one of the best presidential candidates of all-time." Obama was stunned and speechless after this comment.

The rebut did not go unnoticed at the Vatican where Pope Benedict XVI immediately Tweeted in his native German language that West was , "das eselsende eines nordalpakas ", which translates roughly into "the ass-end of a northern alpaca" for insulting the President. West, unfazed by the piety quickly posted on his web site http://www.kanyeshouldwineveryfrigginaward.com/, "Listen, Pope Benedict, if that's your real name. I'm very happy that the College of Cardinals gave you "the white smoke shout out", but clearly Cardinal Sodano has had some of the best sermons of all-time." Pope Benedict XVI left the pulpit immediately after hearing the TMZ report of West's response, and could not be reached for comment.

Sticking up for his holiness, Nobel Laureate Paul Krugman winner of the 2008 Nobel Prize for Economics posted on his Facebook page that he thought West was an "insipid rectum". West immediately fired back on Larry King, "I'm happy for Paul, but to be honest, Edmund S. Phelps had one of the best analyses of intertemporal tradeoffs in macroeconomic policy of all-time." Mr. Krugman has said that he has not heard from West directly, but would be willing to accept his apology if it included a signed copy of "The College Dropout".

Appalled by West's insult of such an esteemed economist, President Obama was quoted off the record as saying that West was "even more jackassier than before". West responded by saying that Hillary is a better dresser than Michelle.

Kellog's cereal mascots Snap, Crackle and Pop quickly defended Michelle by replacing their signature "snap, crackle, pop" sound in Rice Krispies with "Kanye is a jackass". Kanye fired back at the cartoon characters with a proclamation that Fruity Pebbles is his favorite cereal of all-time.

After the fallout resulting from his salvo of insults, West now plans to appear on Jay Leno again to apologize to Barack Obama, the Pope, Krugman, Michelle Obama, Snap, Crackle and Pop with the utmost sincerity. He might even cry again if the focus groups agree that its effective. And as an act of contrition, West then plans to perform an obscenity-laden song about drugs, sex and violence.