"The Cleanse Diet" or "How I Lived Without Bacon for Seven Days"

Some of you may know that Mrs. MacT is a vegetarian.  Technically she's an ovo-lacto vegetarian, which means she eats dairy and egg.  By most standards, she's a vegetarian and has been since college.  But I knew this when we met.  It wasn't as if she surprised me three years into our marriage, suddenly switching sides in the middle of the game.  I knew what I was getting into.  Or so I thought.

Since our nuptials it has been an implicit, mutual understanding that I wouldn't attempt to sway her back to the omnivore side, and she would not attempt to turn me into a kale slurping, lentil eater.  So far it has worked fairly well.  Even during pregnancy cravings when she talked about buffalo wings non-stop for three weeks, I held up my end of the agreement by eating them in the other room.  And bless her malnourished little heart, she is happy to prepare animal-based dishes for me and the little MacTs.

However recently, Mrs. MacT read a book about a dietary "cleanse" and for reasons beyond my comprehension, I decided to accompany her on this journey through gastronomic hell.  And though this cleanse technically allows for some meat, I feel like I'm dangerously close to other side, albeit temporarily.

So why am I embarking on this little adventure?  I honestly have no clue.  I already consider myself a healthy person; I work out regularly, eat very little processed or unhealthy food and haven't seen the inside of a McDonald's since 1987.  I do have my vices, like anyone.  And this is where this little challenge will get tough, even though it's only for seven days.  I love coffee (32 oz per day like clockwork)- no caffeine.  I love scotch (not to the point of singing, dancing, crying or fighting but I enjoy a good dram of single malt weekly, especially when I write)- no alcohol.  I love bacon (do I need to explain why?)- no bacon.  In fact, this cleanse goes beyond detoxification of free radicals and also forbids foods that are normally considered healthy; bananas, oranges, strawberries, tomatoes, Captain Crunch...you get the picture.

For the next seven days, I'll be feasting primarily on lentils, quinoa, broccoli, kale, grean tea, brown rice, rice milk, apples, almonds and coldwater fish- whatever that is. 

At the end of seven days, I hope to have regained some natural energy, rejuvenated my body's ability to heal itself, improved my general sense of well being, and added four inches to my vertical leap.  At least that's what the book promises.  Time will tell.  In the meantime:

Goodnight coffee
Goodnight moon
Goodnight cow made of cheeseburgers jumping over the moon
Goodnight scotch, and the glass of Harpoon....

This is making me a little sad.  More to come...