The Salahis, "Protection" Against Lawsuits, Obesity v. Hunger and Other Odds and Ends

Traveling this week which means a lot of headline news and airport sandwiches.  Here are the things I've learned this week inbetween sleep, meetings and sleeping in meetings.

Michaele and Tareq Salahi-  Apparently these two pathological, attention-starved, lightweight con artists were no-shows at a Congressional hearing today where they were to be questioned about their super fun White House party crashing behavior.  Apparently they weren't comfortable showing up invited.

It was also revealed today that the Secret Service learned of the breach via Michaela's Facebook page.  This begs the question, what were Secret Service agents doing surfing Facebook?  Searching for national security threats?  Is this part of the FBI Carnivore program?  If they are perusing the social network sites they should consider renaming the program to Omnivore.  I wonder how many followers Bin Laden has on Twitter. 

Teacher Sues New York Department of Education After Slipping on Condom- Karen Hollander, a teacher at a Manhattan high school is suing over injuries obtained from slipping on a discarded condom in the school cafeteria.  She may be the first person to ever sue over slipping on a banana peel.  According to the suit, the condoms were handed out during school and some students took it upon themselves to open them during lunch and discard them.  Unused, I assume. 

The suit states, "They caused, allowed and permitted condoms to be distributed by school personnel to the students, many of which were opened during the school lunch period and thrown on the floor."  My first question is why did they open them during lunch?  Don't they know the difference between condoms and condiments?  My second question is whether this suit is about her fall, or does she condemn condom conduits at school? 

Students denied graduation due to obesity-  25 students at Lincoln University in Oxford, Pennsylvania may be denied graduation due to an obscure requirement.  According to the university's relatively new policy, students must have a Body Mass Index (BMI) below 30, or have completed a course entitled "Fitness for Life" in order to graduate. 

Personally I'm all in favor of reducing obesity rates but I'm not sure this is a good solution.  The university means well, but they have crossed the line.  If this requirement is allowed, what will stop universities from imposing other "well-meaning" lifestyle requirements for graduation.  Imagine the course catalog:

"How Not to Look Like a Tool in Public 101"- Syllabus: How not to wear your Bluetooth in a grocery store (or anywhere for that matter), How to clip your toenails before flying sockless because the guy behind you in the security line has no interest in seeing your gnarly yellow toenails that look like concealed weapons, What not to eat before a four-hour meeting with your superiors, Cycling shorts are for cycling not basketball...

"Driving Like There Are Other People in the World 101"...

You get the point.

Kate Moss Gives a Shout Out to Anorexia- "Nothing Tastes as Good as Skinny Feels"  Really?  Has she ever heard of bacon?  Her agent is claiming that the quote was taken out of context.  A 35-pound, chain smoking supermodel chooses skinny over food.  I think we have the proper context, Olive Oil.  Maybe she needs to change her slogan to, "Nothing Sounds as Bad as Stupid Feels".  Think about it.  Or not.

Americans are Starving.  Wait, no We're Not-  Data from the USDA report was misinterpreted and misreported.  Media was claiming that 49 million Americans went hungry last year, including 17 million children.  Actual data from the report indicates that 49 million people experienced "food insecurity" which means that they worried about food, but only 1.6% of adults and 0.1% of children actual went an entire day without food.  Anything above 0% of children going a day without food is too high, but things are not nearly as dire as USA Today, the New York Times and the Washington Post led people to believe with their headlines and articles. 

Actual headlines about this story:

USA Today:  "Wake Up Call: 1 in 6 Americans went hungry in 2008"
New York Times:  "49 million Americans reported lack of food"
The Washington Post: "America's economic pain brings hunger pangs"
Philadelphia Inquirer: "Hunger on rise in U.S."
National Enquirer:  "Batboy really hungry in 2008:  Eats own arms"

Okay, I made that last one up.  But someone is starving, alright.  The newspapers are starving for readers.