Michaela Salahi Attacks Pope

Pope Benedict XVI was attacked during a Christmas Eve mass at St. Peter's Basilica by what authorities are calling "a disturbed woman".  The woman apparently jumped a security barrier while the Pope was giving his Christmas sermon.  The woman was wrestled to the ground, but only after posing for several photos with the pontiff before dragging him to the floor.  The pontiff was uninjured, though he couldn't quite get his hat to sit straight afterwards.  The woman was later identified as Washington D.C. fame-seeking missile Michaela Salahi.

In what Salahi describes as a misunderstanding, she claims she was invited to the pulpit though she could produce no evidence.  It was later revealed that she and her husband were attempting to secure invitiations through a series of e-mails to Archbishop Donald Wuerl.  Wuerl denies ever getting the Salahis "on the list".

In an interview with Larry King shortly after the incident, Michaela was quoted, "This is completely embarrasing.  Who would have the gaul and bad behavior to tackle the Pope unless invited?  We will be vindicated."

Others in the audience were completely shocked by the scene including rap star Kanye West.  "I couldn't believe it.  I was just about to grab the mic from his papalness to give a shout out to Beyonce, but the freak beat me to it."

Vatican security is currently considering a revision to its policy that states, "Any old whack job who loves the baby Jesus is welcome to attend mass".