iPhone Launches Swine Flu Application

Want to know if your friends or family have Swine flu? There's an app for that. Want to know which health clinic still has a supply of vaccine? There's an app for that.

Apple announced today that they are launching iSwine, the multi-purpose app that allows you to manage your life in an H1N1 world. iSwine allows hipsters and the wealthy alike to use the new iPhone body scanner to determine the presence of H1N1 from as far away as three meters. The body scan will also determine the person's identity through an x-ray of their jawbone leveraging another iPhone app, "iDentalDatabase". iSwine will then immediately send an instant message to everyone in their address book, calling circle, and Facebook friends list warning them to stay the hell away from "Captain Swine Flu".

The app can also locate clinics hoarding the vaccine and continually dial the phone number rapidly so others seeking vaccine information go right to voicemail. iSwine will then recommend the best vanilla latte and black turtleneck purveyors near the health clinic.

iSwine also provides live updates via iSwineMap on the spread of the virus through detecting the infection of other iPhone users. And if you are unlucky enough to get infected with H1N1, iSwine will immediately download five days of your favorite movies and music so you're fully entertained while quarantined.

Apple also announced plans to provide iPhone users with the ability to download the swine flu shot for just $0.99.

Why not? There's an app for everything else.