6:15AM- Woke up 15 minutes early and something wasn't feeling quite right. Stomach was tight, head was cloudy. Attributed it to the Monday morning blues and attempted to put my feet on the floor. Whoa- feels like the morning after my bachelor party. Laid back down and went to sleep.
7:00AM- Woke up 45 minutes later still feeling the way Fidel Castro looks, showered, contemplated my day and wondered when I would snap out of it. At this point I was determined to get to the office. After driving well under the speed limit for 15 minutes, I contemplated pulling over and taking a nap. Chills, stomach pain, headache, morning radio. It was more than any man could bare. Decided to press on. Made it to the office garage with no intentions of staying. Took stairs and managed to avoid breathing on people or making eye contact while fetching my laptop. Made it back to my car and sat quietly attempting to muster up the energy to turn the ignition. As I was driving home, each bump in the road reminded me that leaving the house in the first place was a bad idea.
9:00AM- Was home and back in bed. Slept until noon having all sorts of strange fever-induced dreams about polenta, Albanian tax attorneys, Gilligan's Island and Cheez Whiz. Note to self: look those things up in a dream interpretation book.
12:00 Noon- Took temperature and Tylenol. My joints felt as though they were twisted in the wrong direction, my head felt like a tomato that had fallen to the floor and my body temperature seemed to fluctuate faster than the national healthcare plan.
2:00PM- I had dealt with my doctor and my prescription for Tamiflu was ready to be picked up. Mrs. MacTavish had officially quarantined me to our room. Spent the remainder of the afternoon in and out of sleep and strange dreams involving scotch tape and monkeys. While awake, I attempted to watch television. As luck would have it, we just signed up for a free trial of HBO. I had no idea there were 13 HBO channels now. Outstanding timing. Still no iPhone with the iSwine app though.
6:00PM- Finally managed to choke down an apple, a bagel and a quart of Gatorade. Head and body still felt like I went nine rounds with the Russian guy from Rocky V. Or was it Rocky IV? Started to watch Apollo 13, but fell asleep before launch.
8:00PM- Woke up in time to say good night to kids through the crack in the door. They're careful not to make eye contact with me. Started to watch the beginning of Apollo 13 again on a different HBO. Fell asleep during countdown. Slept off and on for the remainder of the night. Woke up at 5:00AM singing Cher's, "If I Could Turn Back Time". Had no idea I knew the lyrics.
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